Date: Mon, 2 Feb 2004 13:26:00 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the
whole field to private industry."
-- Joseph Heller

Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 12:16:23 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  .sig OTD

1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's the
law!

Date: Thu, 5 Feb 2004 09:04:22 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  .sig OTD

"Life is not fair, but it's not fair for everyone. That makes life fair."

Date: Fri, 6 Feb 2004 09:14:11 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"Any life, no matter how long and complex it may be, is made up of a
single moment - the moment in which a man finds out, once and for all, who
he is."
-- Jorge Luis Borges (1899-1986)

Date: Mon, 9 Feb 2004 09:10:06 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary
ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end
of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at
life's realities."
-- Theodor Seuss Geisel

Date: Tue, 10 Feb 2004 09:07:27 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  well, it is good news...

Russert: So, Mr. President, after your State of the Union speech, would
you reassess the position of America at home and abroad?

Bush: Well, to be honest, Tim, we're in a state of flux. We still haven't
caught Osama. Soldiers are still dying in Iraq. We went there partially
because of intelligence on WMDs that we still haven't found yet. And
domestically, the economy IS recovering, but the job market is depressed,
and lots of folks are still unemployed. But I do have some good news.

Russert: Yes, Mr. President?

Bush: I just saved a buncha money by switching my car insurance to GEICO.

Date: Thu, 12 Feb 2004 09:35:28 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  interesting thought

  "I did a politically incorrect joke on the show once.  About obsessive
compulsive disorder.  You know what?  You don't want to insult them.
'Cuz, if they start writing letters, you know, they don't quit.  You're
gonna get a letter.  All day they spend: Write a letter.  Check the stove.
Write a letter.  CHECK THE STOVE.  Write a LETTER.  Check the STOVE . . ."
-- Ray Romano

Date: Tue, 17 Feb 2004 20:17:51 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can
understand it."
-- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.

Date: Thu, 19 Feb 2004 13:14:55 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"The President has always said it's important to treat all people with
dignity and respect. But this is an issue of principle. This is an issue
that he feels very strongly about. And it's taking a principled stand to
protect and defend the sanctity of marriage."
--Scott McClellan, White House Press Secretary, on gay marriages.

I guess dignity and respect go out the window if the President disagrees.

Date: Fri, 20 Feb 2004 16:28:57 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"You cannot have a science without measurement."
-- R. W. Hamming

Date: Mon, 23 Feb 2004 09:49:29 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  trivia type quiz

This is based on US & Canadian info, so use both sides of your brain.

This can be more difficult than it looks - it just shows how little most of
us really notice!

There are 27 questions about things we see everyday or have known about all
our lives.  How many can you get right?  These little simple questions are
harder than you think. It just shows you how little we pay attention to the common
place things of life. Put your thinking caps on! No cheating!  No looking
around!  No using anything on or in your desk or computer!  Can you beat 20??  By
the way, the average is 7.  Write down your answers and check them at the
bottom AFTER completing all the questions.  REMEMBER - NO CHEATING!!!  Then,
before you pass this on to your friends, change the number on the subject line to
show how many you got correct in the subject line.  Forward to your friends
and also back to the one who sent it to you.

LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE ...
1.  On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
2.  How many states are there?  (Don't laugh, some people don't know)
3.  In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
4.  What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?
5.  What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?
6.  When you walk does your left are swing with your right or left leg?
7.  How many matches are in a standard pack?
8.  On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?
9.  What is the lowest number on the FM dial?
10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?
11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
13. Which side of a women's blouse are the buttons on?
14. Which way do fans rotate?
15. What is on the back of a Canadian dime?
16. How many sides does a stop sign have?
17. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?
18. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
19. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
20. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc ... who's missing?
21. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
22. On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?
23. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening
between the slats?
24. On the back of a $1.00 coin, what is in the center?
25. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no
digits?
26. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?
27. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?

-----

SPACE REMOVED HERE

-----

ARE YOU READY?  LET'S SEE HOW YOU DID ...
1.  Bottom
2.  50 (please tell me you got this one!)
3.  Right
4.  Blue, red, white, yellow, black & gold
5.  1, 0
6.  Right
7.  20
8.  Red
9.  88
10. Counter (north of the equator)
11. Towards bottom right
12. 12 (no #1)
13. Left
14. Clockwise as you look at it
15. The Bluenose
16. 8
17. Left
18. 5
19. 6
20. Bashful
21. 8
22. Ace of spades
23. Left
24. Loon
25. *, #
26. 3
27. Counter

Date: Wed, 25 Feb 2004 10:38:09 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve
immortality through not dying."
-- Woody Allen

Date: Thu, 26 Feb 2004 09:36:24 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two
periods of fighting.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Date: Fri, 27 Feb 2004 09:44:08 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  might have been...

Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which
occurred immediately before the Big Bang.

Apparently, the sound was, "uh oh".