June 2007...
Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2007 07:00:21 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: a thought
"First Law of Holes: When you find yourself in one, stop digging."
-- Lord Denis Healey
Date: Mon, 4 Jun 2007 06:53:12 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: verse for the day
I get up each morning, gather my wits.
Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
Oh, how do I know my youth is all spent?
My get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went.
But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
And think of the places my get-up has been.
-- Pete Seeger
Date: Tue, 5 Jun 2007 07:09:25 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: QOTD
"Bulls don't run reviews. Bulls of 25 don't marry old women of 55 and
expect to be invited to dinner. Bulls do not get you cited as
co-respondent in Society divorce trials. Bulls don't borrow money. Bulls
are edible after they have been killed."
-- Ernest hemingway, on why bulls are better than literary critics
Date: Wed, 6 Jun 2007 07:16:34 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: editorial from the Washington Post today
A Note on D-Day
Words to carry in a wallet
Wednesday, June 6, 2007; Page A22
WE DON'T always take notice of this day on the editorial pages, and every
time we fail to do so we hear about it from people who have the date --
June 6, 1944 -- burned into their memories and who believe that what
Americans and their allies did on D-Day must never be forgotten. They're
right, of course, and in these times it seems particularly appropriate to
recall one act that would serve today's leaders in every branch of
government as lesson and example.
On the day before the invasion of France, the supreme allied commander,
Dwight D. Eisenhower, wrote a note to be read in the event of the
mission's failure and put it in his wallet. It said simply, "Our landings
in the Cherbourg-Havre area have failed to gain a satisfactory foothold
and I have withdrawn the troops. My decision to attack at this time and
place was based on the best information available. The troops, the air and
the Navy did all that bravery and devotion to duty could do. If any blame
or fault attaches to the attempt it is mine alone."
That note is, of course, familiar to those of the generation that best
remembers D-Day and World War II. But it is about more than warfare; it
speaks to the responsibility of all who would order the affairs of others,
then and now.
Eisenhower wasn't the ultimate source of authority on D-Day; he served two
presidents during the war, the latter of whom, Harry S. Truman, had that
sign on his desk that read, "The Buck Stops Here." But Eisenhower knew
what a burden the five stars on his shoulders were -- that it was he who
was in charge of planning the operation, he who was entrusted with it and
he who was sending thousands of men to fight and die. He knew that it was
to them that he was ultimately accountable and to them and their families
that his loyalty -- today a word casually and often carelessly used -- was
owed.
We were pleased to see, from the Internet, that Eisenhower's brief note of
June 1944 is now part of lesson plans offered for many students. It would
be a good lesson for their elders as well, some of whom might even want to
put it in their wallets.
Date: Thu, 7 Jun 2007 06:39:31 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: QOTD
"Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two,
opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none."
-- Doug Larson
Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2007 06:40:11 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: for Amy's mathematical edification
Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor):
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to,
or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you
should have gotten.
Date: Mon, 11 Jun 2007 07:07:19 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: something every kid should know:
Van Roy's Law:
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Date: Tue, 12 Jun 2007 07:06:01 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: bumper sticker OTD
We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand the
hardware, but we can *see* the blinking lights!
Date: Thu, 14 Jun 2007 07:46:44 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: QOTD
"It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing
warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two
things still safe to eat."
-- Robert Fuoss
Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2007 07:02:43 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: QOTD
"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty,
and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a
scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls."
-- Matt Cartmill
Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2007 07:15:31 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: QOTD
"I don't know that atheists should be regarded as citizens, nor should
they be regarded as patriotic. This is one nation under God."
-- George H. W. Bush
Date: Wed, 20 Jun 2007 09:04:41 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: Inventory
Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 07:20:36 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: thought for your day
"Celestial navigation is based on the premise that the Earth is the center
of the universe. The premise is wrong, but the navigation works. An
incorrect model can be a useful tool."
-- Kelvin Throop III
Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2007 07:25:43 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: QOTD
"I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink."
-- Richard Burton
Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2007 07:17:25 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: Two Elderly Friends
Two elderly friends, Larry and Ken, met in the park every day to feed
the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Larry didn't show up. Ken didn't think much about it and
figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Larry hadn't shown up
for a week or so, Ken really got worried. However, since the only time
they ever got together was at the park, Ken didn't know where Larry lived,
so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Ken figured he had seen the last of Larry, but
one day, Ken approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Larry!
Ken was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, "For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to
you?"
Larry replied, "I have been in jail."
"Jail?" cried Ken. "What in the world for?"
"Well," Larry said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at
the coffee shop where we sometimes go?"
"Yeah," said Ken, "I remember her. What about her?"
"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me, and, at 89 years old,
I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty.
The judge gave me 30 days for perjury."
Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2007 06:52:12 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: QOTD
"To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk."
-- Thomas Edison
Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2007 08:54:31 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: QOTD
"Live Free Or Die; Death Is Not The Worst of Evils."
-- General John Stark, July 31, 1809; 32nd anniversary, 1777 Battle of
Bennington
Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:24:04 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor: ah, those were the days...
"I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger in a quavering
voice.
"No," said GoodGulf, "but I can. The letters are Elvish, of course, of
an ancient mode, but the language is that of Mordor, which I will not
utter here. They are lines of a verse long known in Elven-lore:
"This Ring, no other, is made by the elves,
Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves.
Ruler of creeper, mortal, and scallop,
This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop.
The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring.
The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing.
If broken or busted, it cannot be remade.
If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)."
-- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
Thanks for looking!
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