Date: Mon, 1 Nov 2004 09:13:43 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add 
whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it."  
-- Winston Churchill

Date: Tue, 2 Nov 2004 10:13:32 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  GO VOTE!!!!!!

Dana Milbank wrote in his Live Online on Friday: "The thing you must know 
about the White House press corps is we love to complain about everything 
-- the plane, the food, the speech, the phones, the security sweeps and, 
yes, the newbees. But the ET characters are just a temporary bother. The 
dynamic of the White House press corps is very much like high school. The 
network correspondents are the football players and cheerleaders, the wire 
reporters are the student government, the newspaper reporters are the 
geeks and the camera crews are from shop class." 

Date: Wed, 3 Nov 2004 09:04:01 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  political QOTD

Bush/Cheney '04: Because you don't change horsemen mid-apocalypse.

Date: Thu, 4 Nov 2004 10:28:20 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  Founding Father advice

"The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the 
people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government." 
-- Patrick Henry    

Date: Fri, 5 Nov 2004 08:45:18 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  Great Tagline Found in Fortune Cookie

"A thinker always puts some portion of an apparently stable world in 
great peril."

Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2004 09:54:55 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"If I were to walk on water, the press would say I'm only doing it because 
I can't swim." 
-- Bob Stanfield 

Date: Tue, 9 Nov 2004 08:15:12 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be 
thankful for a good one." 
-- Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

Date: Thu, 11 Nov 2004 08:47:43 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  Veteran's Day

To all of you who served... here's to "absent companions".

-----

BURY ME WITH SOLDIERS

I've played a lot of roles in life;
I've met a lot of men.
I've done some things I'd like to think
I wouldn't do again.

And though I'm young, I'm old enough
To know someday I'll die,
And to think about what lies beyond,
Besides whom I would lie.

Perhaps it doesn't matter much;
Still, if I had my choice,
I'd want a grave 'mongst soldiers when
At last death quells my voice.

I'm sick of the hypocrisy
Of lectures of the wise.
I'll take the man, with all the flaws,
Who goes, though scared, and dies.

The troops I knew were commonplace
They didn't want the war;
They fought because their fathers and
Their fathers had before.

They cursed and killed and wept...
God knows They're easy to deride...
But bury me with men like these;
They faced the guns and died.

It's funny when you think of it,
The way we got along.
We'd come from different worlds
To live in one no one belongs.

I didn't even like them all;
I'm sure they'd all agree.
Yet I would give my life for them,
I hope some did for me.

So bury me with soldiers, please,
Though much maligned they be.
Yes, bury me with soldiers, for
I miss their company.

We'll not soon see their likes again;
We've had our fill of war.
But bury me with men like them
Till someone else does more.

Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2004 08:57:36 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"Provide me with ships or proper sails for the celestial atmosphere and 
there will be men there, too, who do not fear the appalling distance."
-- Johannes Kepler

Date: Mon, 15 Nov 2004 13:35:27 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"Anarchists - a functioning, organized group that fights against 
functioning, organized groups."
-- Tammy Bruce

Date: Tue, 16 Nov 2004 08:44:40 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so 
I took his shoes." 
-- Dave Barry 

Date: Wed, 17 Nov 2004 08:59:44 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  How D&D Changed The World

Op-ed by Peter Bebergal, Boston Globe; November 15, 2004

  For a while, it seemed, I was part of a generation with no discernable 
qualities, no great contribution to American culture. Too young to be 
boomers, too old to be "Gen X," this generation was a product of the 
burned out excess of the seventies married to the surface glow of the 
eighties. But here in 2004, I realize I belong to the luckiest generation, 
and not only that, I am part of the luckiest sub-culture within. Maybe we 
didn't give the world the Beatles or John Updike, but we gave the world 
Dungeons and Dragons. This year marks the 30th anniversary of the beloved, 
much maligned, often misunderstood role playing game developed in 1974 by 
Dave Arneson and Gary Gygax. Without CGI graphics, surround sound, or flat 
screens, they invented an immense and complex gaming system that requires 
only pencils, graph paper, and some oddly configured dice. Arneson and 
Gygax paved the way, but let's face it, my friends and I changed the 
world.

  It started innocently enough. With a copy of "The Fellowship of the 
Ring" at my side and Styx on the record player, I was looking for 
something to help me rise above being bored, lonely, and unfulfilled. One 
day at school, a kid approached me. Having sensed in me an ally, the same 
urgent need to avoid getting beat up that day, he timidly asked if I 
wanted to play "D&D" after school. From then on, I never had another 
forlorn afternoon. And to think, from that first fateful day when I 
decided I would be known as the half-elf wizard Vendel, I was joining a 
revolution. But what exactly were we transforming? To put it simply, 
Dungeons and Dragons reinvented the use of the imagination as a kid's best 
toy.

  The cliche of parents waxing nostalgic for their wooden toys and things 
"they had to make themselves" has now become my own. Looking around at my 
toddler's room full of trucks, trains, and Transformers, I want to cry 
out, "I created worlds with nothing more than a twenty-sided die!" 
Dungeons and Dragons was a not a way out of the mainstream, as some 
parents feared and other kids suspected, but a way back into the realm of 
story-telling. This was what my friends and I were doing: creating 
narratives to make sense of feeling socially marginal. We were writing 
stories, grand in scope, with heroes, villains, and the entire zoology of 
mythical creatures. Even sports, the arch-nemesis of role-playing games, 
is a splendid tale of adventure and glory. Though my friends and I were 
not always athletically inclined, we found agility in the characters we 
created. We fought, flew through the air, shot arrows out of the park, and 
scored points by slaying the dragon and disabling the trap. Our influence 
is now everywhere. My generation of gamers, whose youths were spent holed 
up in paneled wood basements crafting identities, mythologies, and 
geographies with a few lead figurines, are the filmmakers, computer 
programmers, writers, DJs, and musicians of today. I think, for the 
producers, the movie version of "The Lord of the Rings" was less about 
getting the trilogy off the page and onto the screen than it was a 
vicarious thrill, a gift to the millions of us who wished we could have 
dressed up as orcs and ventured into catacombs and castle keeps ourselves. 
Only a generation of imaginations roused by role playing could have made 
those movies possible.

  Dungeons and Dragons is seeing an increase in popularity as a whole new 
generation raised on video games begins to look for a way back to the more 
personally and socially engaging pleasures of sitting around with a bunch 
of friends and making stuff up. Imagine, parents, that some of your kids 
are actually turning the TV off to talk to each other, to play something 
that they have to "make themselves." I am getting ready to introduce the 
game to my son. In a little drawer I have an unopened box of those 
funny-sided dice, not exactly a family relic, but a tradition to pass on 
nonetheless. And let's not forget that even though we are talking about a 
world of basilisks, knights, and talking trees, Dungeons and Dragons can 
help us make new stories out of the very world around us. Democrats, you 
better get yourselves a magic shield, because in Congress, Bush has plus 
three to hit.

Peter Bebergal is a writer and teacher. 

Date: Thu, 18 Nov 2004 07:46:23 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to 
see it tried on him personally." 
-- Abraham Lincoln 

Date: Fri, 19 Nov 2004 00:15:46 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  thought for you

If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be 
so simple we couldn't.

Date: Mon, 22 Nov 2004 08:47:08 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  old favorite QOTD

"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune 
to bullets."  
-- The Brigadier, "Dr. Who"

Date: Tue, 23 Nov 2004 09:16:07 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"Pilfering Treasury property is paticularly dangerous: big thieves are 
ruthless in punishing little thieves."
-- Diogenes 

Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2004 11:20:05 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor:  Ike Turner's Guide to Handling Iraq

It's bad, I know, but DAMN this is funny.

BY KEN MCINTYRE - - - -

  OK, America, you done fucked up again. Things got a little out of hand, 
and you went and blew up another country. Now you got everybody all mad at 
you, and you don't know what to do. Well, don't worry, America. Ike's been 
down this road before, and I know exactly how to handle it. You better 
listen to what I'm telling you, America. Ike knows what he's talking 
about, and Ike's willing to help you out as long as you do exactly what 
Ike says and stop being so stubborn. You dig?

  Step 1 OK, first things first, America. Stop smacking the bitch. I know 
sometimes you get caught up in the heat of the moment and you don't know 
when you've gone too far. Sometimes you just get so mad sometimes. I know 
you tried to warn Iraq. You told Iraq to stop provoking you. But Iraq 
wouldn't listen. Iraq was being stubborn and ignorant, and you had to 
teach Iraq a lesson. Now Iraq's all beaten and bruised and bleeding 
everywhere, fucking up the good carpet. It's time to chill the fuck out, 
America. You don't wanna kill Iraq. You just wanna show Iraq how much you 
love it. It's just sometimes you go a little crazy is all.

  Step 2 Give Iraq a Kleenex and tell it to clean itself up. Tell Iraq to 
hurry, you ain't got all day.

  Step 3 Now comes the hard part. You've got to apologize to Iraq, 
America. Even if you don't really mean it, you've got to swallow your 
pride and say the words "I'm sorry, baby." Tell Iraq that sometimes 
America just gets so mad sometimes, and things get out of hand. America 
doesn't mean to hurt Iraq. America just wants to teach Iraq a lesson, 
because America loves Iraq so much, baby. America knows what's best for 
Iraq, and if Iraq would just listen and stop being so stubborn, it could 
be the best country in the world.

  Step 4 Surprise Iraq with a little present. How about ... the gift of 
democracy! Get all your friends together and make a big celebration out of 
it. Offer Iraq a little tiny slice of democracy for the cameras. Wait a 
minute! What's that? Iraq doesn't want your democracy? Tell Iraq it better 
take a bite of democracy, dammit. C'mon, Iraq, don't disappoint America in 
front of all these people. C'mon, have some democracy, you low-down dirty 
ho! If Iraq asks you to leave it alone, just raise your fist and tell it 
to stop being all uppity. If Iraq still fights back, well, you're gonna 
have to teach Iraq a lesson.

  Step 5 OK, you did it again. Now you done put Iraq in the hospital. 
Maybe it's time to do some soul-searching and find out if maybe the 
problem isn't with you. Promise Iraq that you're gonna try and get some 
help with your oil addiction and that you'll be a better country from now 
on. Oil makes you do some crazy things sometimes. Things you tend to 
regret later. You're gonna have to cut that shit out for good. You dig?

  Step 6 Hey, I never said you had to quit cold turkey. Guzzle that shit 
down and drive over to Iraq's house and start busting up the joint, for 
old times' sake.

  Step 7 OK, by now Iraq's probably threatening to kill your ass if you 
don't leave it alone. I know it's tough, but at some point you're gonna 
have to learn how to let go. It's gonna bruise the shit out of your ego, 
and other countries are probably gonna look down on you for the next few 
decades, but it has to be done. It'll allow Iraq to blossom into its own 
beautiful country, and it'll give you a chance to focus on improving 
yourself for a change. You used to be really great, remember? Think of all 
the amazing things you've done in the past. You went a little nuts there 
for a few years, but it's never too late to get back on track. Eventually, 
the world will learn to respect you again. They'll follow your example and 
learn from your mistakes.

  And if it makes you feel any better, one day Iraq will probably star in 
a really shitty Mel Gibson movie.

Peace, Ike