November 1999...
Date: Mon, 1 Nov 1999 10:30:57 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: tomorrow is election day...
Based on records prior to the summer break:
29 members of Congress have been accused of spousal abuse,
7 have been arrested for fraud,
19 have been accused of writing bad checks,
117 have bankrupted at least two businesses,
3 have been arrested for assault,
71 have credit reports so bad they can't qualify for a credit card,
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges,
8 have been arrested for shoplifting,
21 are current defendants in lawsuits, and in 1998 alone, 84 were stopped
for drunk driving, but released after they claimed Congressional immunity.
Conclusion:
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be
changed regularly and for the same reason.
Date: Tue, 2 Nov 1999 10:32:29 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: sorry about that...
Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with
all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner
and sees a building with a sign "Moishe Plotnick Chinese Laundry."
"Moishe Plotnik?" he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he
walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.
The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Moishe Plotnik's
Chinese Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me, is right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"
"Is simple," says the old man. "many, many year ago when come to this
country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish
gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He
say, 'Moishe Plotnik.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'
I say, 'Sem Ting.'"
Date: Wed, 3 Nov 1999 09:14:07 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: flowers
Blonde and Brunette friends are walking down the street and pass a
flower shop, where the Brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying
flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers
again... for no reason."
The Blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal,
don't you like getting flowers?"
The Brunette says, "Oh, sure...but he always has expectations after
getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three
days on my back with my legs in the air."
The Blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
Date: Thu, 4 Nov 1999 15:02:15 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: wishes
A young man was walking along the beach barefooted, when he hit
something really hard with his toe. He bent down to examine it closer &
found out it was bottle. He rubbed the bottle & out popped a beautiful
genie, who said, "You have been granted 3 wishes."
The young man said, "I would like to have 40 million dollars." The genie
nods, and without a word hands him a deposit slip from a Swiss bank with
$40 million dollars in the account.
"What is your second wish, Master?" the genie asked.
"I would like to have a red Cadillac convertible."
*Poof* - Instantly there was the car parked beside him.
"For my third wish," the young man replied, "I would like to be
irresistible to women."
...and he turned into a box of Belgian chocolates.
Date: Fri, 5 Nov 1999 11:14:25 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: terminology
quoting:
Several years back, I coined a term in the genre of hardware, software,
vaporware, and so on...which I have had far more occasions to use since
than I would have liked:
Vampireware; n, a project capable of sucking the lifeblood out
of anyone unfortunate enough to be assigned to it
which never actually sees the light of day, but
nonetheless refuses to die.
Date: Mon, 8 Nov 1999 10:45:28 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: Good one
Jesus said to them, "Who do you say that I am?"
They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of
our being, the kerygma of which we find the ultimate meaning in our
interpersonal relationships."
And Jesus said, "What?"
Date: Tue, 9 Nov 1999 10:44:57 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: broken clock
Shortly after I got married, I was invited out for a "night out with the
boys." I told the wife that I would be home by midnight... "I Promise!"
Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at
around 3 am, drunk as a skunk, I went home. Just as I got in the door, the
cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she'd
probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of
myself for having the presence of mind, even when smashed, to escape a
possible conflict.
Next morning the wife asked me what time I got in. I told her 12
o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one! Then she told me that we needed a
new cuckoo clock. When I asked why, she said, "Well, it cuckooed 3 times,
cuckooed another 4 times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times,
farted, then cuckooed twice more and started giggling."
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 11:24:02 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: medical problem
A woman goes to the doctor's office and says to him. "Doctor, I've got a
strange problem I need your opinion on."
"Could you describe the symptoms to me ?" the doctor asks.
"Well, it's easier if I show you." she said and, standing up, proceeds
to undress. When she was down to her underwear she sat on the edge of the
examining table and spread her legs to reveal two small green circles on
her inner thighs. "They don't hurt or anything, but I was a little
worried about them."
The doctor peered closely at the two circles and said, "Are you a
lesbian, by any chance ?" he asked.
Embarrassed and slightly non-plussed at this question coming from a man
with his head between her thighs, she replied "Well, yes, I am actually.
Why do you ask?"
"Well, the doctor says, I'm afraid you'll have to tell your girlfriend
that her earrings aren't real gold."
Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 08:26:39 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: Veteran's Day again...
...and thus, in honor of those who have worn the uniform:
Blood upon the Risers
(Tune "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah")
He was just a rookie trooper and he surely shook with fright
As he checked all his equipment and made sure his pack was tight
He has to sit and listen to those awful engines roar,
"You ain't gonna jump no more!"
(chorus)
"Is everybody happy?" said the sergeant, looking up
Our hero feebly answered, "Yes" and then they stood him up
He leaped into the icy blast, his static line unhooked
And he ain't gonna jump no more!
(chorus)
He counted long, he counted loud, he waited for the shock
He felt the wind, he felt the cloud, he felt the awful drop
He jerked his cord, the silk spilled out and wrapped around his legs
And he ain't gonna jump no more!
(chorus)
The risers wrapped around his neck, connectors cracked his dome
The lines were snarled and tied in knots around his skinny bones
The canopy became his shroud, he hurled to the ground
And he ain't gonna jump no more!
(chorus)
The days he lived and loved and laughed kept running through his mind
He thought about the girl back home the one he left behind
He thought about the medics and he wondered what they would find
And he ain't gonna jump no more!
(chorus)
The ambulance was on the spot, the jeeps were running wild
The medics clapped their hands with glee, rolled up their sleeves and smiled
For it had been a week or more since the last chute had failed
And he ain't gonna jump no more!
(chorus)
He hit the ground, the sound was "SPLAT," the blood went spurting high
His buddies all were heard to say "What a helluva way to die!"
He lay there rolling 'round in the welter of his gore
And he ain't gonna jump no more!
(chorus)
There was blood upon the risers, there were brains upon the chute
Intestines were a-dangling from his paratrooper suit
The medics picked him up and poured him gently from his boots
And he ain't gonna jump no more!
(BIG CHORUS!)
Glory, glory, what a helluva way to die
Glory, glory, what a helluva way to die
Glory, glory, what a helluva way to die;
And he ain't gonna jump no more!
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 1999 10:53:22 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: enjoy your weekend...
As a last remembrance of Veteran's Day weekend, let one of the masters
tell you how most grunts feel:
---------------------
I went into a public-'ouse to get a pint o' beer,
The publican 'e up an' sez, "We serve no red-coats here."
The girls be'ind the bar they laughed an' giggled fit to die,
I outs into the street again an' to myself sez I:
O it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, go away";
But it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play,
The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,
O it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play.
I went into a theatre as sober as could be,
They gave a drunk civilian room, but 'adn't none for me;
They sent me to the gallery or round the music-'alls,
But when it comes to fightin', Lord! they'll shove me in the stalls!
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, wait outside";
But it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide,
The troopship's on the tide, my boys, the troopship's on the tide,
O it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide.
Yes, makin' mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep
Is cheaper than them uniforms, an' they're starvation cheap;
An' hustlin' drunken soldiers when they're goin' large a bit
Is five times better business than paradin' in full kit.
Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, 'ow's yer soul?"
But it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll,
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll.
We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too,
But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;
An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints,
Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints;
While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, fall be'ind",
But it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind,
There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind,
O it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind.
You talk o' better food for us, an' schools, an' fires, an' all:
We'll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational.
Don't mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face
The Widow's Uniform is not the soldier-man's disgrace.
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!"
But it's "Saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot;
An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;
An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool -- you bet that Tommy sees!
-- Rudyard Kipling
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 11:16:18 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: work crews
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he
paid the bill and bought a soft drink. As he stood by his car to drink his
cola, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.
One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on.
The other man came along behind and filled in the hole.
While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind
filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft
drink and went on down the road.
"I can't stand this," said the man, tossing the can in a trash container
and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on
here with this digging?"
"Well, we work for the county," one of the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not
accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his
shovel and wiping his brow.
"Normally there's three of us ... me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole,
Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back. Now just
because Rodney's sick, that don't mean that Mike and me can't work."
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 09:31:19 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: DNA Personals
I've been single-stranded too long! Lonely ATGCATG would like to pair up
with congenial TACGTAC.
Menage a trois! Ligand seeks two receptors into binding and mutual
phosphorylation. Let's get together and transduce some signals.
Some dates have called me a promotor. Others have referred to me as a real
operator. Personally, I think I'm just a cute piece of DNA who is still
looking for that special transcription factor to help me unwind.
Highly sensitive, orally active small molecule seeks stable well-structured
receptor who knows size isn't everything.
There must be a rational way to meet a date! I'm tired of hanging out in
those molecular diversity bars, hoping to randomly bump into the right
peptide. I want a molecule that will fit right into my active site and
really turn me on. I'll send you my crystal structure if you send me
yours!
Gene therapy graduate. After years of producing nothing but gibberish, I've
shed my exons and am ready to express my introns. All I need is a cute
vector to introduce me to the right host.
My RNA, I'm sorry I misread your UAAUAAUAA and inserted three tyrosines
when you repeatedly asked me to stop. Something got lost in the
translation. Please forgive me.
Naked DNA with sticky ends seeks kanamycin-resistant plasmid. EcoR1 sites
preferred.
Uninhibited virus seeks reason to make me shed my coat protein.
This very selective oliogonucleotide has been probing for just the right
target for long term hybridization.
Mature cell seeks same who still enjoys cycling and won't go apoptotic on
me. Let's fight senescence together!
I'm a prolific progenitor with great potential for growth and self-renewal.
Call me if you're a potent hematopoietic factor who still believes in
endless nights of colony stimulation.
I don't always express myself on the surface, but I'm looking for a signal
that you appreciate my complexity. Send me the right message that will
penetrate my membranes, turn on my protein expression and release my
potential energy.
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 13:00:43 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: Two for one
Thought you might get a kick from this bit I was forwarded; the original
came from the Style Invitational, which was a Sunday column by the
Washington Post. Readers were asked to combine the works of two authors
and provide a suitable blurb.
------------
Second Runner-Up: "Machiavelli's The Little Prince"- Antoine de
Saint-Exupery's classic children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The
whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing
characters, all of whom are executed.
(Erik Anderson, Tempe, Ariz.)
First Runner-Up: "Green Eggs and Hamlet"- Would you kill him in his bed?
Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King.
I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now
get her to a nunnery. (Robin Parry, Arlington)
And the Winner of the Dancing Critter: "Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities"-
An '80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or even notice. (Mike
Long, Burke)
Honorable Mentions:
"Where's Walden?"- Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in
each richly detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes
clear that he is always in the woods. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
"Catch-22 in the Rye"- Holden learns that if you're insane, you'll
probably flunk out of prep school, but if you're flunking out of prep
school, you're probably not insane. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
"2001: A Space Iliad"- The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year war
against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)
"Rikki-Kon-Tiki-Tavi"- Thor Heyerdahl recounts his attempt to prove
Rudyard Kipling's theory that the mongoose first came to India on a raft
from Polynesia. (David Laughton, Washington)
"The Maltese Faulkner"- Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's
struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along
with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his
attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil? (Thad Humphries,
Warrenton)
"Tarzan of the Grapes"- The beleaguered Okies of the dust bowl are saved
by a strong and brave savage who swings from grapevine to grapevine.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)
"Curious Georgefather"- The monkey finally sticks his nose where it don't
belong. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
"The Hunchback Also Rises"- Hideously deformed fellow is cloistered in
bell tower by despicable clergymen. And that's the good news ...
(John Verba, Washington)
"The Silence of the Hams"- In this endearing update of the Seuss classic,
young Sam-I-Am presses unconventional foodstuffs on his friend,
Hannibal, who turns the tables. (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)
"Portnoy's Choice": A man is forced to choose between his right and left
hand. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
"Jane Eyre Jordan": Plucky English orphan girl survives hardships to
lead the Chicago Bulls to the NBA championship. (Dave Pickering, Bowie)
"Nicholas and Alexandra Nickleby"- Having narrowly escaped a Bolshevik
firing squad, the former czar and czarina join a troupe of actors only
to find that playing the Palace isn't as grand as living in it.
(Sandra Hull, Arlington)
"Looking for Mr. Godot"- A young woman waits for Mr. Right to enter her
life. She has a looong wait. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 09:42:34 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: Here's thinking outside the box!
Tragic comedy, but funny nonetheless...
-------------
(from an article somebody forwarded me):
Schools find ways to screen substitutes
When (a) school district finds a substitute teacher candidate now, it
often has to wait until the next school year to use the person because the
background check takes so long, according to school administrators.
Frustrated over background checks that take up to six months, a
Bennington, Vt., school board is considering a novel alternative:
requiring applicants to buy handguns. The background checks for handgun
purchases required by law take gun dealers just minutes because they can
use a federal database. The check would cost the school district nothing.
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 11:27:01 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: Chess standards quote
I was reading the paper this morning when I came across an unusual
story. As most people know, the NFL and the NBA have drug policies...
well some call them anti-drug policies. The US leads the world in two
things... drug consumption and drug policies. And now it seems that Spain
wants to get into the act.
The Spanish Chess Federation wants to make drug testing part of the
certification process. This makes a lot of sense. Picture all of these
muscular Spanish nerds with pocket protectors all hopped up on steroids.
They would all play chess with aggressive moves not seen since Rommel in
the North African desert.
Or maybe Spanish chess authorities are worried about hallucinogenic,
drug induced moves. What would the King's Pawn be doing with the Queen's
Knight? No matter. Jerry Jones, the owner of the Cowboys is consulting
with the Chess federation on how to handle violators.
Date: Mon, 22 Nov 1999 12:52:18 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: chocolate
AND FOR CHOCOLATE LOVERS EVERYWHERE
If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too
slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all
count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
Problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car.
Solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off
your appetite and you'll eat less.
A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in
one place. Isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if
you can't eat all your chocolate, it may be a sign of a deeper problem.
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.
Calories are afraid of heights and they will jump out of the chocolate to
protect themselves.
Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate is a balanced diet.
Two phrases: Money talks. Chocolate sings.
The preservatives in chocolate make you look younger.
Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose.
An entire garment industry would be devastated.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That
way, at least you'll get one thing done.
Date: Tue, 23 Nov 1999 10:47:50 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: radio technology
A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought
it back, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam", said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is
completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to
listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"
She drives out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at
the radio and said "Nelson." The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"
Soon, she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of "On the road
again." The lady was astounded.
If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King
Cole, she got it. Suddenly, at a traffic light, her light turned green and
she pulled out. Off to her right, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a
small sports utility vehicle speeding toward her. She swerved and
narrowly missed a head-on collision. "ASSHOLE", she muttered.
And, from the radio........ "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the
United States".....
Date: Wed, 24 Nov 1999 05:55:10 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: break out the Jack
The Onion * 17 November 1999
JACKSONVILLE, FL--The nation's celebrity-biography industry is
reeling following Monday's admission by former Molly Hatchet rhythm
guitarist Billy Joe Reeves that the rock band's so-called "nightmare
descent into booze, sex and drugs" at the height of its late-'70s
popularity was "actually not all that nightmarish at all."
"In the summer of 1979, Molly Hatchet was on top of the world. We'd
just completed a sold-out tour opening for the likes of Bob Seger and Cheap
Trick, and our sophomore effort, Flirtin' With Disaster, was a hit with
audiences and critics alike," Reeves told Peter Briley, host of the daytime
cable-access talk show Jacksonville Community Voices. "Almost overnight, we
were big stars, and things started getting out of control: drugs, alcohol
and constant anonymous sex with teenage groupies."
When asked if the experience had been a living hell, a nightmare
descent into booze, sex and drugs that almost cost him his life, Reeves
stunned Briley with his answer.
"I really wouldn't call it 'nightmarish,' per se, no," Reeves said.
"In fact, it was really fucking great. Lord almighty."
Reeves' admission has set off shockwaves within music-bio circles,
sharply defying many long-held assumptions about the high price of fame.
"This revelation has stirred up no end of controversy in virtually
every corner of the country's $4.2 billion pseudodocumentary industry," said
VH1 Behind The Music producer Doug Farelli. "If what this man is saying is
true, the very foundation of everything we have come to believe about the
celebrity rise-fall-redemption arc may be suspect."
Said E! True Hollywood Story producer Ellen Donovan: "One has to ask:
If the excesses of fame are not, in fact, the living hell we have come to
believe they are, what else is untrue? What about the heartwarming happy
ending, when, after losing all their money, they go clean, settle down and
start over again with a better life? Are we to believe that's all just some
terrible lie, too?"
During his headline-grabbing interview with Briley, Reeves insisted
that sudden fame and fortune did not result in deep inner turmoil and
suffering on the part of Molly Hatchet's members, slowly tearing them apart
until the band collapsed under the weight of its members' tortured
self-destruction. Rather, Reeves said, the struggle, heartache and pain
didn't kick in until well after the band had peaked.
"To be honest, if anything, it was the nightmare descent into a lack
of booze, sex and drugs that really hurt," said Reeves, who has worked at
his brother-in-law's bait shop since leaving Molly Hatchet in 1986. "The
excesses of fame were just fine, thank you very much. It was the
non-excesses of non-fame that were the hard part."
Jimmy Gaines, a back-up percussionist with Lynyrd Skynyrd from 1977 to
1981, agreed.
"The booze, the sex, the drugs... Those are three great things, and I
miss them all terribly," Gaines told MTV News' Kurt Loder during a special
investigative report on the controversy Tuesday. "As a matter of fact, I'm
looking forward to starting up a second, brand-new nightmare descent into
all that stuff just as soon as I can manage it."
Despite the stir his remarks have created, Reeves is not backing down.
"Come on, I'd be high as a kite, a joint in one hand and a fifth of
Jack Daniels in the other, and all I had to do was play the first four bars
of 'Whiskey Man' and the panties would start dropping," said Reeves, eyeing
with wistful longing the Frank Frazetta painting of a battle-axe-wielding
barbarian on the cover of 1980's Beatin' The Odds. "And you're asking if it
filled me with a gnawing emptiness and despair I couldn't escape? Hell, no.
Those days with Danny Joe, Duane, Bruce, Dave and Banner were pretty much
the best thing that ever happened to this here good ol' boy, and that's a
fact."
[The Onion * 17 November 1999]
© Copyright 1999 Onion, Inc., All rights reserved.
Date: Mon, 29 Nov 1999 10:11:45 -0500 (EST)
Subject: humor: Corporate Policy
Start with a cage containing five apes.
In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before
long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.
As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water.
After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all
the apes are sprayed with cold water. This continues through several more
attempts. Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the
other apes all try to prevent it.
Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace
it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the
stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another
attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will
be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new
one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous
newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it
to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him
have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they
are participating in the beating of the newest ape.
After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which
have been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced. Nevertheless, no
ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?
Because that's the way they've always done it and that's the way it's
always been around here.
And that's how company policy begins....
Thanks for looking!
Now, please go back to the archives...