Date: Wed, 1 Sep 2004 08:46:22 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  bumper sticker OTD

"You are not a fool just because you have done something foolish -- only 
if the folly of it escapes you."

Date: Thu, 2 Sep 2004 09:01:16 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"Fashions have done more harm than revolutions." 
-- Victor Hugo 

Date: Fri, 3 Sep 2004 09:02:46 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  something to remember

Clarke's First Law: 

"When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is 
possible he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is 
impossible, he is very probably wrong." 

Clarke's Second Law: 

"The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a 
little way past them into the impossible." 

Clarke's Third Law: 

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." 

Date: Tue, 7 Sep 2004 08:49:46 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  geek QOTD

"Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and 
when it is bad, it is better than nothing." 
-- Dick Brandon 

Date: Wed, 8 Sep 2004 10:45:52 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"I always dreamed I'd live to see the first man walk on the moon. I never 
imagined I'd live to see the last."
-- Jerry Pournelle

Date: Thu, 9 Sep 2004 09:45:41 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"Only one human captain has ever survived battle with the Minbari Fleet.  
He is behind me.  *You* are in front of me.  If you value your lives... be 
somewhere else."
-- Ambassador Delenn, "Babylon 5"

Date: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 11:48:14 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"No experiment can be more interesting than that we are now trying, and 
which we trust will end in establishing the fact, that men can be governed
by reason and truth. Our first object should therefore be to leave open to
him all the avenues of truth. The most effective hitherto found, is the 
freedom of the press. It is, therefore, the first shut up by those who 
fear the investigation of their actions."
-- Thomas Jefferson

Date: Mon, 13 Sep 2004 08:46:34 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"Simulations are like miniskirts, they show a lot and hide the essentials."  
-- Hubert Kirrman

Date: Tue, 14 Sep 2004 09:00:19 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  definitions

  The other day I had the opportunity to drop by my department head's 
office. He's a friendly guy and on the rare opportunities that I have to 
pay him a visit, we have had enjoyable conversations. While I was in his 
office yesterday I asked him, "Sir, What is the secret of your success?"

He said, "two words."

"And, Sir, what are they?" I asked.

"Right decisions," he said.

"But how do you make right decisions?" I asked.

"One word," he responded.

"And, sir, What is that?"

"Experience," he said.

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words."

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions."

Date: Wed, 15 Sep 2004 08:42:41 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  I can't make this up... QOTD

"This public event is not open to the public."
-- Public Information Office of Ft. Campbell Kentucky re: Secretary of 
Defense Donald Rumsfeld's visit

Date: Thu, 16 Sep 2004 08:53:31 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"What on earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in 
his way?"  
-- H.G. Wells

Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2004 09:24:23 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  How to write to an author

How To Get Your Letter Noticed By A Famous Author

1. Remember that people are always asking for things from authors.
   Apologize for having given him something.  Tell him you were sure
   you were no longer contagious.

2. Remember that everybody wants a photo.
   Tell him you have lots of photos of him.  Ask if he'd like the
   negatives.

3. Remember that authors love compliments and favors.
   Tell him you loved his latest book.  Ask him when it will be
   finished.  Relatedly, suggest he stop relying on Word's encryption
   feature and recommend a better firewall.

> and would you get a written letter back ?

Yes.  Often notarized!

Date: Mon, 20 Sep 2004 09:00:34 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"For any technological society to succeed, sound science must take 
precedence over ideological conviction, because nature cannot be fooled."
-- Richard Feynman

Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2004 08:46:49 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  overachievers...

  An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was 
amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do 
you attribute your good health?"
 
  The old timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape.  
I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways."
 
  The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more 
to it. How old was your dad when he died?"
 
  The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
 
  The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still 
alive? How old is he?"
 
  The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and, in fact, he golfed with me 
this morning, and that's why he's still alive ... he's a golfer."
 
  The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it.  
How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
 
  The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
 
  The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's 
still living! How old is he?"
 
  The old timer said, "He's 118 yrs old."
 
  The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he 
went golfing with you this morning too?"
 
  The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he 
got married."
 
  The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old 
guy want to get married?"
 
  The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"

Date: Wed, 22 Sep 2004 09:07:38 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  geek QOTD

"Obviously I was either onto something, or on something." 
-- Larry Wall on the creation of Perl 

Date: Thu, 23 Sep 2004 09:08:16 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  voting - painful joke

Microsoft Windows 2000: $200
Microsoft Access 2000: $200
Wintel PC: $500
Hiring an embezzler to put in three set of election results into your 
voting software controllable by a hidden combination of keys known only to 
you: $60,000 
Changing the election results in favor of your candidate: priceless 

"Of course, there are some elections that money can't buy. For everything 
else, there is Diebold." 

Date: Fri, 24 Sep 2004 08:45:42 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  as shown on Letterman

Kerry's "Top 10 Bush Tax Proposals" are:

10. No estate tax for families with at least two U.S. presidents.

9. W-2 Form is now Dubya-2 Form.

8. Under the simplified tax code, your refund check goes directly to 
Halliburton.

7. The reduced earned income tax credit is so unfair, it just makes me 
want to tear out my lustrous, finely groomed hair.

6. Attorney General (John) Ashcroft gets to write off the entire U.S. 
Constitution.

5. Texas Rangers can take a business loss for trading Sammy Sosa.

4. Eliminate all income taxes; just ask Teresa (Heinz Kerry) to cover the 
whole damn thing.

3. Cheney can claim Bush as a dependent.

2. Hundred-dollar penalty if you pronounce it "nuclear" instead of 
"nucular."

1. George W. Bush gets a deduction for mortgaging our entire future.

Date: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 09:05:55 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree on." 
-- Napoleon Bonaparte, "Maxims" 

Date: Tue, 28 Sep 2004 09:13:59 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  QOTD

"Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure, or 
nothing." 
-- Helen Keller

Date: Wed, 29 Sep 2004 08:48:26 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  hmmmm.........still receiving those blonde jokes

  Two employees were talking.

  "I think I'll take some time off from work," said the man.

  "How do you think you'll do that?" asked the blonde woman.

  He proceeded to show her ... he climbed up to the rafters and hung 
upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling 
and asked him what on earth he was doing.

  "I'm a light bulb," answered the guy.

  "I think you need some time off," said the boss. So the man jumped down
and walked out of the factory.

  The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her where she thought 
she was going.

  The blonde answered, "Home -- I can't work in the dark."

Date: Thu, 30 Sep 2004 08:53:25 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: humor:  space travel onward!

"When something like that happens, it makes a much better chapter in the 
book."

-- Burt Rutan, on the SpaceShipOne's uncontrolled rolling on ascent to 
330,000 feet in pursuit of the XPrize